For one thing my 5 year old has started prep! My 3 yr old is attending child care (hubby and I vowed that would never be an option for us) and I am still trying to get my head around the ADHD diagnoses and sort out support networks and coping strategies and mental health plans. It is not something my husband and I have done before, heck we don’t actually have a will at the moment!! We have just gone with the massive rollercoaster, me going totally overboard and doing too much and falling in a heap and being so overwhelmed I totally shut down and I end up suicidal and life a mess. To feeling ok and a little better and trying again to get back into life the way others do and find the cycle repeating itself.

Our hope is to actually have a better idea on the triggers and early signs of me not being able to cope and have some plans in place to take a step back and evaluate what the issue is and how we can adjust again. Try and balance and level ourselves out a little rather then the drastic ups and downs!

I am also on day 4 of a sugar free/limited program. Yes I now I did try gluten free and was not so successful with that! Very expensive. Sure hubby is concerned this is just another ADD hyperfocus project but I am hoping to give it a good month to see if I notice any difference or lose the 6kg I have gained from eating badly again and increased appetite with seroquel.

I am still struggling with fatigue, setting up and then maintaining anything. Finding motivation to do anything and getting so caught up in the whole being diagnosed with adult ADHD! I just want to get past it somehow and move on and not have it such a focus for me. Part of me wants to be an ADHD coach and another part just wants to forget ADHD exists at all! I don’t want to read or hear about it again!! But alas that will never be the case and this is something I have to come to accept and place at the back of my mind. I am starting to use a diary for appointments and have done a bit better with those. Sewed together a lanyard for my phone and keys that I love. I really need to start my vitamins again, it did help with energy. I just hate how even when something helps I can’t maintain it!

Under the current circumstances with the different stress factors in my life right now (first child to enter prep/school, using child care and vowed against it, still seeking help in Melbourne, a months wait to psychiatrist appt, dad having radiation for prostate cancer two states away, mum in and out of hospital, trying to attend mental health support groups and not have a car accident! and other little things,) I am actually feeling ok. Oh plus I managed to get to a water workout and body balance class at the local gym. 😀

Still waiting for that crash. Argh I just want to live and want my thoughts to stop damn it. JUST SHUT UP HEAD AND LET ME LIVE!!