Well I am past my probation period with my traineeship. I am really enjoying the work though it might get hard to maintain my interest with our campus being down to only 7 students!!! My main job has been to do the readers with all the children so that has gotten a little mundane so to try and help I am researching any short courses or advice on how to be effective in helping children to read.
We have some change coming up next year or sooner!! My hubby found out his job is changing and they have to try and transfer him to another department as from Feb there is no work in his department. We are considering a move back to Qld as the kids had such a wonderful time with their cousins when we visited last week and my parents are really unwell. At this stage hubby is still on holidays and his boss has to look into what they can offer him. Our other option is for him to apply for Qld police force. This also means I may have to try and finish up my studies in a shorter period of time incase we do have to move before my traineeship ends. Lots of work but I found out most of the units I can do by distance over the next few months. I am definately loving being a teachers aide though and the variety it can offer.
Still on seroquel and prozac with lots of vitamins/supplements. Keeping me stable. I have not caught up with any other addults lately and am missing that connection. Still lots of goals and not much achieved but better then I have been previous times! Still opening my mouth too much at the wrong times and to the wrong people and not able to judge that! Still caring too much what others think. Still struggling and longing for a closer relationship to God. Still wanting to lose weight again. Back at 78kg and hating it! Still not seeing a dietician, psychiatrist and have not been to the psychologist since April. But life is ok and who knows what the next few months holds!!
Life has taken such a turn this week. I have been getting by, staying up too late and sleeping heaps, not bad but not fantastic either. Not really achieving much at all. Seeing a support worker through Eastern Region Mental Health and attending some groups through them when I could. On my list was to see the GP again about a dietician referral, see my psychiatrist after he had been away for a month and also find a psychiatrist. None of which is yet done!
I discussed with my worker and hubby a few times about volunteer work or even minimal paid work. I did some research, did some inquiring at various times and lots of things fell through. I had applied for a traineeship in education support (teachers aide) 3 or so weeks ago (13hrs/wk) and had received an email back saying position filled. So I had given up again on work or volunteering and was really uncertain and lost as to what to do. Monday I get a phone call asking if I was still interested in education support as a new role had become available. I said yes and she asked if she could see me the next day. So Tuesday I have an interview with the training organisation. Have a phone interview with the assistant principle of the school. Am asked when I can start and if I can go for induction and OH&S training on Wednesday! Have a face to face meeting with the principle on Thursday. Today was my first shift at work!!! I went from sleeping in till 9/10am to being up at 7am!!! I will be working during school terms with an english language school (integrating foreign children to be able to attend a public school) and then during school holidays doing my study for the Cert 3! I am hoping having the break up of work for a few wks and then study for a few wks will actually work with my ADHD as it allows for that change of focus to something different.
My key things so far that have helped me this week – Well of course riding off the excitement of something new and different!!!(ohhh shiny) Taking my supplements again including fish oil, iron tablets and a multi vitamin. I can not recommend supplements enough. Having a supportive hubby. And a diary and white board and pen on a string around my neck!!! One notebook not 10!!!
Also this week, I have two new nephews (twins) born on Monday. Unfortunately one is still at the hospital being monitored and one home with his parents (my brother and his wife). I have not had the chance to meet them yet and can’t wait! Been a crazy week for them too with the twins being born. The night after the birth my same brother ending up in hospital with a kidney stone in excruciating pain for a few days that was about to be operated on and a miracle occurred and the kidney stone was gone and he was able to be with his wife when she took Royden home. Toby has come far in a week from starting life in NICU(neonatal intensive care unit) with low blood pressure, jaundice, fluid on his lungs, a tiny hole on his heart and on breathing support and a drip to feed him. Fluid has cleared, blood pressure good, off breathing support and today he took 40ml of milk via syringe which was a relief. Hopefully he will be home soon. 3 kids 2yrs old and under………..life really begins for them now! As a new part of life has begun for me. 😀
I am going next week to be involved in another trial/study that looks very interesting. I will post the information below and also post next week after I have been.
I am a student researcher, currently supervised by Associate Professor Brian Lithgow and Dr Kathrine Roberts. I am contacting you on behalf of a neuro-diagnostic research team at the Monash Alfred Psychiatry Research Centre at the Alfred hospital. Our current research focuses on using a novel technique, Electrovestibulography (EVestG), to objectively diagnose neurodegenerative and neuropsychiatric conditions as well as assessing the effects of therapy. We are commencing a study into using EVestG as a potential, objective diagnostic method/technique for individuals with ADHD. As you are well aware, to date no objective measures of ADHD exist, and accuracy in correctly diagnosing an individual with ADHD is imperative, not only for the individual themselves, but also in terms of treatment. Thus by conducting this research, we hope to be able to provide individuals with a more objective diagnosis. In addition, our research aims to evaluate the effectiveness of current medications, in particular dextroamphetamine, in treating the symptoms of ADHD.
EVestG provides a simple, non-invasive technique, which works by measuring the vestibular responses to various tilts. As the vestibular system is believed to be modulated by dopamine and is also linked with various emotional structures in the brain we hypothesise that it can be used to evaluate various disorders and states. We have had successes with the diagnosis of schizophrenia and depression and last year won ABC’s New Inventors.
We are looking to recruit individuals 18 years and older who have ADHD who are able to come to the Alfred and get some recordings done. Would you be interested in receiving further information about this study and if so would it be possible to place relevant information on your website?
I mentioned in my previous post I was increasing my seroquel and found out from my GP that was for a working diagnoses of bipolar 2!! So I had been taking 250mg for awhile, couldn’t afford to go back to the psychiatrist for another appointment and was not impressed enough with him to travel 50mins and pay $70 for 15mins. After gaining 10kg since starting the seroquel I have decreased my dose back to 150mg. I was feeling more fatigue and less ability to function at the higher dose and know that I felt a difference when I increased from 50mg to 150mg but no improvement from there. So I think I have found my optimum dosage on that. Now to start weight watchers again and try tracking my food intake!
Over easter things did not go so well. Too much chocolate and I can say that it well and truly screws me over and I crave it and I can eat crazy amounts of it! Coming off the chocolate high was not much fun. I am convinced that a part of our issues relate to food intake. I also started a bad routine with taking meds late, staying up late and sleeping half the day. Stupid online computer games! Namely Rift this time. Good game but I am hopeless at balance, all or nothing!!!
Was feeling really uptight and anxious earlier tonight and no idea why. I think I am just confused still and really struggling with what I should be doing and what I should be pushing myself to do and what not to do!
Sorry to those who read for not having posted in so long. I hope everyone is doing well.
NOTE – This post was actually written on wed 23rd and did not upload properly, feeling a teeny bit better as I edit this. —–
Argh I hate how such little things totally throw me out. Like stress from visitors, eating some cupcakes for my sons 6th birthday and eating out at the aquarium. Today I feel foggy, depressed, scattered, headache and just plain bleh. Then totally babbling on about myself and crap last night to my future sister in law. Feeling very self conscious, totally misunderstood, on the verge of tears. The psychiatrist I saw is increasing my seroquel. Am up to 200mg. Shouldn’t I be feeling less depressed and anxious. I hate feeling like this, like everything is too much to figure out. With Gods strength I can get through this day, I certainly know it is not my own will that is required.
Set backs are part of every persons life. I guess the difference when you have ADHD is any very minor set back or something that may not even be a set back at all for others is a major hurdle and catastrophe for me. Although I am surprised by my recent set back and how I have dealt with it. In the past something like this would have brought me right down and been very difficult to get past. This time however, I am disappointed but will be ok. Let me explain further.
I applied for a volunteer position with a Christian phone and internet based Careline. I needed a pastoral reference and was honest and said I had not been a regular attender of a church since I had children but my faith has never gone and I was incredibly passionate about the careline. Involved in the position was listening to people, praying with them and giving them information for a local church if needed. So my pastoral reference was from a friend who knew me through other volunteer work I had done with another organisation. Unfortunately you have to be a regular attender of a church for at least 6 months and have regular references from the minister. While I have been searching for a local church I have certainly not been attending a church for any length of time recently so for now I am unable to continue to training. I do plan on attending church more regularly and I will be able to contact the careline again in the future to be able to volunteer once I am more established in a church. I guess I was disappointed as I had set this as a goal and something to work towards. I knew I couldn’t afford to study ADHD coaching or life coaching and would struggle with many hours of paid work or social work study so thought this would be a good start. For now God has closed that door. Previously my thoughts would have focused on oh I am not good enough, why would I ever have thought I could have done something like that. This time, sadness at a closed door and curious about what could possibly be in store. I guess I am searching for that something different to do, a purpose if you will.
For one thing my 5 year old has started prep! My 3 yr old is attending child care (hubby and I vowed that would never be an option for us) and I am still trying to get my head around the ADHD diagnoses and sort out support networks and coping strategies and mental health plans. It is not something my husband and I have done before, heck we don’t actually have a will at the moment!! We have just gone with the massive rollercoaster, me going totally overboard and doing too much and falling in a heap and being so overwhelmed I totally shut down and I end up suicidal and life a mess. To feeling ok and a little better and trying again to get back into life the way others do and find the cycle repeating itself.
Our hope is to actually have a better idea on the triggers and early signs of me not being able to cope and have some plans in place to take a step back and evaluate what the issue is and how we can adjust again. Try and balance and level ourselves out a little rather then the drastic ups and downs!
I am also on day 4 of a sugar free/limited program. Yes I now I did try gluten free and was not so successful with that! Very expensive. Sure hubby is concerned this is just another ADD hyperfocus project but I am hoping to give it a good month to see if I notice any difference or lose the 6kg I have gained from eating badly again and increased appetite with seroquel.
I am still struggling with fatigue, setting up and then maintaining anything. Finding motivation to do anything and getting so caught up in the whole being diagnosed with adult ADHD! I just want to get past it somehow and move on and not have it such a focus for me. Part of me wants to be an ADHD coach and another part just wants to forget ADHD exists at all! I don’t want to read or hear about it again!! But alas that will never be the case and this is something I have to come to accept and place at the back of my mind. I am starting to use a diary for appointments and have done a bit better with those. Sewed together a lanyard for my phone and keys that I love. I really need to start my vitamins again, it did help with energy. I just hate how even when something helps I can’t maintain it!
Under the current circumstances with the different stress factors in my life right now (first child to enter prep/school, using child care and vowed against it, still seeking help in Melbourne, a months wait to psychiatrist appt, dad having radiation for prostate cancer two states away, mum in and out of hospital, trying to attend mental health support groups and not have a car accident! and other little things,) I am actually feeling ok. Oh plus I managed to get to a water workout and body balance class at the local gym. 😀
Still waiting for that crash. Argh I just want to live and want my thoughts to stop damn it. JUST SHUT UP HEAD AND LET ME LIVE!!
Here it is Sunday night and I am exhausted but not depressed or anxious or freaking out! My house is a mess, I have had a full on week for me and for what the kids are used to, we have a full on week to come, hubby is sick with bronchitis and I have not totally lost it! That is HUGE for me.
Also have the neighbours son who is 7 sleeping over tonight. We have spent most of the weekend with his family and it has been lovely. Earlier in the week on Wednesday I spent the day out at a psychologist appointment and shopping with hubby and the kids and didn’t go spending crazy nor was I too concerned about limited funds. Thursday I went to a group get together for a local mental health support association and the kids went into care for the first time ever so that was a huge day also. Friday was a family fun day by the same association at a local park and I took the kids on my own with hubby being sick and we had a really great day.
Ok now I sit here slightly annoyed and ready to lose it yet with a smile on my face at darling kids as I hear whispering going on and they did not go to sleep in the same room! None of the 3 children are asleep yet! I am ready for bed though! Will have to continue this later.
I don’t know how they are still awake!!!
So then yesterday we went to the library and optometrist after lunch and came back and spent the afternoon at the neighbour’s house and ended up having dinner with them. Then today we went to church!!!!! It was such a relaxed and lovely time. That was also with the neighbours and we have spent the rest of the day with them, cutting and dyeing hair, going to the swimming pool and eating chicken and chips, music and dancing and rabbit chasing and now trying to get them to actually sleep.
Tomorrow I have an appointment to go to for a respite house and the women’s ADHD group ladies night. Tuesday we have two appointments with the family support worker and the other my individual support worker. Wednesday is a public holiday so hubby will be working and I would like to go down to our local shopping centre as they are having their 3rd birthday celebration with games and prizes for the kids. Then Thursday is a yoga class with the mental health association and the kids going into care again! Those are just the currently planned and booked in things! So we shall see in another week’s time how I am coping.
Right now part of me is scared and waiting for the fall and big crash and burn. I am just not used to coping this well or coping for an extended period of time. I really pray I can maintain this and I certainly know I can’t add too much more into my schedule just yet until I see how I go. I would like to do some volunteer work for a local phone careline and have filled out forms for that and waiting on my reference to complete her form for me and then I will have some training to do. I am actually really looking forward to getting involved with that.
I think I finally have quiet here. God Bless all.
Please join us for a relaxed coffee & chat.
DATES FOR JAN-MARCH 2011
Wednesday 19th January, Monday 31st January
Monday 14th February, Monday 28th February
Monday 14th March, Monday 28th March
TIME: 1.30PM – 3.30PM
WHERE: MadCap Cafe, Level 2, Shop 2018, Westfield Fountain Gate Shopping Centre, Narre Warren
Please join us for a Ladies Night.
DATES FOR JAN-MARCH 2011
Monday 24th January 2011 –Monday 21st February – Monday 21st March
LOCATION: Pancake Parlour, Westfield Fountain Gate Shopping Centre, Narre Warren
TIME: 7:30PM till late (feel free to arrive anytime)
No RSVP required. Will book a table towards the back and have a sign for anyone new.
Been a little absorbed in reading about the Queensland floods this week as I have friends and relatives there. Thankfully all are well and not directly impacted badly.
Almost 2 weeks on Seroquel (anti-psychotic) and I amfinally feeling like I am starting to move forward and not backwards! A long way to go and always constant work though. Still very scattered and dizzy and eating wayyy too much!! But the suicidal thoughts are gone thankfully and coping better though still have low some anxiety issues in dealing with the kids.
I have been able to connect with a couple of agencies that assist families with mental health issues and recovery. This is including someone who comes out to our home each week to see how they can help and us to evaluate our week. We have a family support worker and I have a support worker for myself. They have both been fantastic at resourcing information for us and connecting us to what we need. One of the services also includes help with respite options. This includes some funded day care for the kids, yoga classes for myself, camps and other day trips and short courses and then gives Ben some time to himself for his gaming!
I am actually looking forward to my 5yr old starting prep and getting involved in some activities designed for mental health recovery. To start the women’s ADHD group again and connect with others.
For now I need to go and play Wii with the kids!!